Holiday Policy Language: Christmas 2018 Edition

I hope that you’re having a wonderful holiday season. I’m still out for Christmas, but I wanted to make sure that I added a little humor to your week with a Christmas installment of Holiday Policy Language so without any further introduction, read on and enjoy!

You may extend coverage provided on this policy for the following:

“Snowball fight” coverage extension

“Snowball fight” means any activity where people ground snow to form into a projectile for the purpose of hitting someone else with it. Any “snowball fight” that does not include an insured or does not occur at an “insured location” is excluded from this coverage extension.

“Family injury” means relationship troubles that may start or get worse during Christmas celebrations. “Family injury” does not have to start during a family Christmas gathering. In fact, most already existed, holiday stress and (potentially) adult beverages just brought them to the surface.

You may extend coverage for “family injury” related to “snowball fights”. This coverage only applies if:

1. An insured takes part in the “snowball fight” or the “snowball fight” takes place at an “insured location”.
2. No insured puts ice in the middle of any snowball.
3. No insured pre-positions any snowballs in the freezer.

There is no coverage for “bodily injury” or “property damage” resulting from “snowball fights”, but if the “bodily injury” or “property damage” result in “family injury” that “family injury” is covered.

Coverage is for costs related to “family injury” including, but not limited to, counseling, bail money, vehicle towing, relocation expenses, and new identities.

“Weather related layover” coverage extension

“Weather related layover” means the following weather events that cause your extended family not to be able to leave your town:

1. A snowstorm that closes your family’s destination airport, or
2. A snowstorm that closes the airport your family is supposed to fly out of.

If your family can get out of your town, but can’t get home, that is not a “weather related layover”. They should try and go anywhere other than your house.

In the event of a “weather related layover”, coverage is provided so that you can get out of your house. Leave them there to eat the leftovers and fend for themselves. This coverage is meant specifically to pay for the following:

1. A stay at any resort more than 25 miles away, but less than 100 miles away (you don’t want your family to think that you’ve abandoned them);
2. Meals at a quality restaurant; which means any restaurant where the entrees cost more than $15 each, but less than $50 each (you still don’t want your family to think that you’re celebrating being away from them); and
3. Spa services, including messages, facials, and mani/pedis (ok, this is a little pampering, but if your family is snowed in at your house, you deserve it and we recognize that).

Loss of Turkey “Bumpus’s Dogs” coverage extension

“Bumpus’s Dogs” means, wait, you should already know what “Bumpus’s Dogs” means. If you don’t go watch the movie right now. If you don’t know what movie we mean, this coverage doesn’t apply to you.

If your Christmas dinner is eaten or stolen by “Bumpus’s Dogs” this coverage will pay:

1. To take your entire family (that was supposed to eat dinner at your house) to any open restaurant in your area;
2. To give a LARGE (minimum of 20%, maximum of 100% of the check) tip for the server that helped you at the restaurant;
3. Any cost related to getting to the restaurant; and
4. Costs related to having animal control come and pick up and rehome the offending animals.

Please provide the following evidence with your claim for this coverage:

1. Photos of the meal before the attack;
2. Photos of the offending animals;
3. Map showing the distance to the restaurant;
4. A list of names of all family members that attend dinner;
5. The receipt for dinner, with the tip amount clearly shown; and
6. Video of your family at the restaurant if you are claiming the double indemnity clause.

Double indemnity clause: If you can document that your restaurant experience is like that of the aforementioned movie, this coverage will pay double the expenses claimed.

I hope you enjoyed this installment of Holiday Policy Language. As always, this is not meant to offend or upset anyone. All of this is meant in fun and if I’ve offended you, please accept my apology.

I hope you and your family have enjoyed a wonderful Christmastime.

See you next year!

Patrick